7/30/03 Wednesday 9:30 am
I got to the hospital around 9 and they were taking him to PT so they could put his feet in the whirlpool in preparation for a biopsy. They want to do a biopsy of the infected tissue so that maybe they can find out what this is.
Today I feel scared. The fear sets in before I am even fully awake in the morning. I have to talk rationally to myself in order to even get out of bed. I tell myself that he isn’t going to die and that his life is in God’s hands. I tell myself that God is in control and He loves us. Sometimes I feel a lot better and other times it doesn’t seem to help that much.
The Lord has heard my weeping.
The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.
All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed; they will turn back in sudden disgrace. Ps. 6:8-10
My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only He will release my feet from the snare. Ps. 25:15
We wait in hope for the Lord. Ps. 33:20
I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a Rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Ps. 40:1-3
The Lord will protect him and preserve his life;
He will bless him in the land and not surrender him to the desire of his foes.
The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness. Ps. 41:2-3
They spread a net for my feet –
I was bowed down in distress.
They dug a pit in my path –
But they have fallen into it themselves. Ps. 57:6
God’s Word lifts me up and chases the fear away. I know that I hear from God and I am sure that He has given me promises about our lives. And I am certain that He has given me certain passages about this illness. God cannot lie. If He makes a promise, He will keep it. He will do what He says. I wish I could share the scriptures with Phil but I don’t think he’s in a place where he could receive them.
It’s so nice to let other people take care of him. When they brought him back from PT, I didn’t help get him into bed and that was so nice. They have his feet wrapped in sterile material. I had no idea how to take care of his feet.
I brought paperwork to his office and his boss was really nice to me. He even gave me his home number.
5 pm
I always feel so scared when it’s time to go back to the hospital. I was getting ready to go, telling the Lord how scared I was, and I felt like He said, “Fear not. Only believe and he shall be made whole.” (Luke 8:50)
They did the procedure in his bed around 1 pm and sent the infected matter to both the lab here and one in Little Rock. The areas look so much better with that purple mess gone. He is on oxygen and resting comfortably because they gave him Demerol and something else. Maybe we will know something soon.
The church has been wonderful. Some have sent cards, which I save until he needs cheering up. The pastor seems to know when to come and when to stay away. Dale has been the best. He is one of the only people that Phil wants around now. Susie brought over chicken noodle soup that was exactly what I needed to eat. People aren’t calling and visiting all the time and yet, if I have a need, I know who to call (and I have).
So far this week has been more full of faith. Last week was horrendous and full of fear. There is still fear this week but less of it. Sometimes Satan injects fear by saying things to me. Last week it was “scleroderma” and this morning it was “amputation”. I have to refuse those thoughts. God has been giving me verses about feet lately.
They spread a net for my feet – (Ps. 57:6)
He will release my feet from the snare. (Ps. 25:15)
He set my feet upon a Rock. (Ps. 40:2)
God knows about his feet and He cares about them and will heal them.
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