Good Things

These are good things:

* Phil does not have a pulmonary embolism & his pneumonia is gone

* Phil is probably coming home from the hospital tomorrow, before the end of the year

* Eva and her family are coming to have Christmas on Saturday

* Jesse has been a real support this past week

* Mom's best friend made it back from Germany last night

* God provided our Cobra payment for this next month

* God provided a wonderful walker for $5, so I don't have to scramble

* Even though I don't like it, I have learned to be a good nurse

* I feel like God told me, "Things are going to change."

Christmas Gifts

Even when things are terrible, you really can have a good Christmas when God is involved. During this season when we celebrate the gift of HIM, He keeps on giving and giving and giving to us.

I thought it might be a terrible Christmas but God keeps giving gifts to me. My boss unexpectedly let us off early and that extra time was such a good gift. There are two projects that I have worked diligently on for over a week - yesterday I was able to complete one with great (and satisfying) success and today God brought about the completion of the other one. Last minute Christmas shopping with my son in crowded stores actually turned out to be fun! God gave us SNOW for Christmas!!!

The best gift of all is that Phil seemed better today! He was sitting in a recliner, off of oxygen, and had been free of fever for over 24 hours. I think he is finally on the mend.

God is in control, even when things are terrible, and He can move in and change your perspective so much that you can be filled with peace and joy. It's a miracle!

Hospital

Phil is in the hospital again, this time with pneumonia. He seems to be holding his own so far but the doctor is concerned because he is still spiking a fever every day. I thought that was normal for pneumonia, but I'm not a doctor so I don't really know. The finances have gotten scary again because this will probably take a few months for him to get over and he is going on his 5th month of leave-without-pay. He was able to work part-time for 2 weeks and that will help. Yesterday, I felt sick with worry about it all and then God provided $1000 for our Cobra payment, which is due next week. I wish I could finally learn to trust Him and rest in His love and provision.

Sandwich Wreath

This is the way it looked before baking.

Here it is fresh from the oven!

I successfully made a wonderful recipe that a friend usually makes for our Bible study potlucks and thought I'd share the recipe. The actual name for it is "Ham Florentine Wreath" but I like to call it Sandwich Wreath.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees and then prepare the filling. Combine:

1 pkg. (10 oz.) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained
1 1/2 c. (8 oz.) diced cooked ham
1/4 c. green onions with tops, thinly sliced
1 c. (5 oz.) shredded Swiss cheese
1/4 c. mayo.

(I actually used minced onions instead of green onions, less spinach, ham lunchmeat, and regular pizza shredded cheese and it tasted great.) Once the filling is made, slice 8 grape tomatoes in half so they will be ready.

Take out a round pizza pan (I covered it with foil) and unroll one package of crescent rolls. With wide ends of the triangles toward the center of the pan, arrange the 8 triangles in a circle. The corners of the wide ends will touch and the narrow points will extend 1 inch beyond the edge of the pan. Unroll another package of crescent rolls and arrange them between the first 8 triangles. The recipe says to place them in the same direction as the first 8 but I (accidentally) placed them with the tips pointing into the center and it worked just fine. The wide ends will overlap with the first 8 triangles.

Place the filling over the wide ends of the triangles, forming a circle. Place one half of a grape tomato on top of each triangle and sprinkle with more grated cheese. Lift the narrow end of the triangles over the mixture, tucking in the end and brush egg white over the dough. Sprinkle with sliced almonds and bake for 25 minutes or until golden brown. Enjoy!

Messiah

I had the pleasure of attending the Community Festival Chorale's performance of the Messiah this evening. George Frederick Handel composed it in 24 days, working day and night. It is said that when it was finished, a friend found him in his room with tears streaming down his face. He said, "I do believe I have seen all of Heaven before me and the great God Himself." It has been my favorite piece of classical music since we sang the Hallelujah Chorus in high school choir. I was so glad that the people knew to stand when the Hallelujah Chorus was sung tonight. That tradition began the first time Messiah was ever performed. King George II of England was in the audience and it is said that he was so moved that he stood up. Of course, every else had to stand too because he was the King and so the tradition began.

It was wonderful seeing old friends I hadn't seen for years. But the most wonderful thing of all was getting to hear a teenager from our church sing a solo for the first time. She has an incredible soprano voice that sounded like the voice of an angel! And her voice was so powerful too! I wonder what God is going to do with that voice!

My Treasures

Yesterday we had the opportunity to babysit our grandchildren and it was so much fun! I picked them up in Little Rock and their parents came to get them at 12:15 am, after participating in a wedding of their best friends at DeGray. It finally felt like Christmas! Little kids do that. Several people have commented to me this past week that when their children are grown and before they have grandkids, Christmas is blah.

We visited a special friend in Conway, looked at the lights, played with the train, dumped ALL the toys out and spread them all over the house, decorated (and ate!) Christmas cookies, had pizza for dinner, and played and played and played and played. I am so grateful that God has allowed me to become a grandmother - it's the best thing about my life!

A Beautiful Creation

Twenty years ago, my mother made me an oversize king-size quilt. Now that I have a queen-size bed, I decided to try to cut it down to fit my bed. It was with a lot of trepidation and encouragement and help from a friend that I cut into it yesterday. Cutting into a gorgeous quilt with a pair of scissors is a very strange feeling! I had to cut two sides in order to shorten it and, while I did the very best I could, it is nowhere near the sewing expertise and excellence of my mother.

I was putting the quilt on my bed and lamenting over the poor way I pieced it together when I shortened it, when I felt like the Lord said, “When you look at a beautiful creation, you don’t see the flaws.” It was true. When I look at that beautiful thing my mom made, my eye isn’t drawn to my flaws. But He wasn’t just talking about the quilt, He was talking about me! We are all His beautiful creations, the work of His hands. He *knit* us together and shaped us. And every one of us has flaws but the flaws don’t matter because we are His beautiful creation. It almost made me cry! Now I will think of that whenever I walk into my room! Isn't it funny how a word from the Lord changes everything?

Random thoughts for the Day

I grabbed these from a post on my 123 Stitch Message Board:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the he** are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

11. I'm always a little terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-
page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12. 'Do not machine wash or tumble dry' means I will never wash this -- ever.

13. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

14. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

15. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call."

Progress

I feel happy and content because I did what I wanted to do this morning instead of what I felt like I should do. Big, huge difference! “Want” is freedom but “should” is legalism which produces guilt and condemnation.

For some reason (which I have decided to stop trying to figure out), going to church has been difficult for me for quite a while now. Putting potluck on top of that was just too much and I was dreading it. Then I realized that I didn’t have to stay for potluck! It sounds simple but it was very freeing. Phil decided to stay and that’s fine but I didn’t have to. I came home, took a shower, and had the best BBQ I think I’ve ever had. I felt so satisfied afterwards in every way.

I want to do what I *want* to do instead of what I *should* do, but I need to be ever watchful because it’s the easiest thing in the world for me to slip into legalism. It suffocates and drains the joy right out of my life.

I feel like the Lord showed me that I am tired and I am in recovery. It’s like being in that sanctuary during the service, I was able to gain some perspective on my life that curiously left the moment I walked out. I need to remember that I am at the end (hopefully) of a time period of six years of incredible, non-stop stress - more than I have ever experienced before in my whole life - and it’s going to take some time to come out of it in one piece. I feel like crying a lot of times and feel very lost, scattered, and depressed. The only thing that gives me joy right now is when I am able to see that I’m getting into legalism in an area of my life and exercise the freedom to make a different choice.

This morning I became worried that Phil won’t ever be able to work full-time again, because this past week was so hard on him. But every time I start to worry, I feel like God says, “Watch” and “Leave him to Me.”

Busy Saturday

I've been making worship tools - flags and streamers - for my grandchildren and the other kids in their church. I also finished making Christmas ornaments that will be gifts for my co-workers. Fun!

Update

Phil did great at work yesterday (and even went back there again today!). However, I am at loose ends. I enjoyed being at home alone for a few hours yesterday but today I feel disoriented and can't seem to focus.

The BIG DAY

Today is the big day! It's the day that Phil goes back to work after about 4 months. He will start with 2 hours and then work up to 8 hours by the end of the month. It has only been 4 months but it felt like forever. When we look back, 4 months is really nothing if this means that he will be able to work from here on out (and I think it does). Maybe I'm a fool but I am hoping and believing that this is basically the end of his troubles.

Traveling

Lots of traveling. Counting today, I will have traveled 3 out of the last 4 days. It's been exhausting but wonderful! I spent Saturday with a friend in Conway and it is always so much fun just to be together. I am so blessed to have a heart friend like her with whom I can completely be myself and know that I am accepted and loved. She is full of mercy.

On Sunday, I went to Rogers to see my daughter and her family. I really, really needed to see my grandchildren because a family in our community lost their only daughter/grandchild right before Thanksgiving and it shook me up because I knew the grandmother. She was only 5 and her death was totally unexpected. Alex must have understood on some level because he hugged me more than he ever has before! Eva and I were able to get away for most of the afternoon, which she really needed, and it was a lot of fun! It reminded me of when she was a little girl and we used to go to Little Rock for our yearly special shopping trip.

I went to church with them and gave the pastor's wife a few little worship tools I had made (some small streamers and wrist ribbons) in case they would be interested in using them for the children. I couldn't tell at first whether she even wanted to use them ... but after the service, she came up to me to thank me and said that during the children's worship time, they had so much fun using the tools that several of them actually cried when it was over! It touched my heart that my own grandson is the firstfruits of my labor in this area. Of course, this makes me want to pour into their laps!

Today, I'm going back to Conway to purchase a few Christmas gifts and to drop off and pick up some things at my friend's house. It should be a quick and pleasant trip and then the traveling is over for until December 11, at which time I am meeting Eva and her family at the DeGray State Park lodge in order to babysit while they participate in a wedding of some of their best friends.