Thursday, November 10, 2011

My Story - July 2003

This is the story of the most difficult time of our lives. May the telling of it bring hope to others and help me to heal.

7/17/03
Thursday

This morning during quiet time, God gave me Job 13:15-16: Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him ... Indeed, this will turn out for my deliverance. He also gave me some verses about being broken and crushed, provision, and trust.

When I had quiet time this morning, I felt like God met me in a big way. I told Him that I hate that spirit of fear and that I want peace with all of my heart and soul and I felt like He showed me that I need to take my hand off the basket “of provision”. After I thanked Him for confronting me with this spirit of fear, He gave me Ps. 53:5, which blew me away - There they were, overwhelmed with dread, where there was nothing to dread. God scattered the bones of those who attacked you; you put them to shame, for God despised them.

The song “All I Once Held Dear” came on and God showed me that I have found security in money.

I confessed my sin and received forgiveness. I took my hands off of the basket of provision, and I felt like God showed me that I have been trying to fill the basket - have been feeling responsible for filling it - but it is His to fill. My only interaction with it needs to be to draw out of it as needed.

I felt like the Lord spoke to me when I heard these words to the song: “to know You in Your suffering, to become like You in Your death, My Lord.” I felt like He said that I have to be willing to submit to His will and for His will to prevail at all costs. I “bowed down” to His will and laid prostrate before Him.

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