12/18/03 Thursday 7:30 am
Phil is in a deep pit of depression and I didn’t realize how bad it was until last night when I asked him how his day went and he burst into tears. I heard darkness and death coming out of his mouth, despair and hopelessness. When I suggested that he go and talk to Travis, he angrily said that prayer won’t help this. What bothers me the most is the bitterness towards God. He is only able to get through each day by God’s grace.
I believe it is from the enemy and I found myself sinking into it also. He is speaking lies and I found myself listening to them and starting to believe them. I realized what was happening and started to pray and read the Bible and then I was able to get back on even footing.God gave me scriptures and a song this morning and I was encouraged. He keeps on saying “Trust Me” and I do choose to trust Him with this. It is not over by a long shot and I have no idea what else we will have to go through. I am willing to do whatever He shows me to do. I trust Him with our lives and with our sanity. It looks so impossible from here and yet I know that He can do the impossible.
These are the scriptures and the song that He gave me this morning:
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and
I will listen to you. I will be found by you, declares the Lord,
and will restore your fortunes. Jer. 29:12,14
To me, God is saying that a time is coming when I will call to Him and pray to Him about this very situation, and He will listen to me and will be found by me. He will answer and it will be very apparent that He is answering and He will restore everything that has been taken by the enemy.
Some of the wise will stumble, so that they may be refined,
purified, and made spotless ... for it will still come at the
appointed time. Dan. 11:35
To me, God is saying that He can use this time to refine Phil and purify him. I can leave it in God’s hands and not be upset about it, despite everything that I am seeing with my eyes.
“Don’t grow weary doing well, don’t surrender in the fight;
Keep on storming the gates of hell and doing what you know is right.
For there will be seasons of testing and there may be weeping for a night,
But soon we’ll be reaping the blessings if we keep on pressing toward the light.
Don’t grow weary doing well ...”
God is saying that He sees me and He knows how hard this is and how tired we both are. He is encouraging me to keep on going and not surrender to the enemy. He is exhorting me to keep on praying and doing warfare and doing what He has shown me to do. He is telling me that a better day is coming if we don’t give up.
O Lord, what is man that You care for him, the son of man that You think of him?
Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow. Ps. 144:3-4
God sees Phil and He cares about our situation.
Part your heavens, O Lord, and come down; touch the mountains, so that they smoke.
Send forth lightning and scatter the enemies, shoot Your arrows and rout them.
Reach down from on high; deliver me and rescue me from the mighty waters,
From the hands of foreigners whose mouths are full of lies,
Whose right hands are deceitful. Ps. 144:5-8
There will come a time when God will come down on our behalf and rout our enemies. He will reach down and rescue us.
I will sing a new song to You, O God; on the ten-stringed lyre I will make music to You,
To the One who gives victory to kinds, Who delivers His servant David
From the deadly sword.
Deliver and rescue me from the hands of foreigners
Whose mouths are full of lies, whose right hands are deceitful. Ps. 144:10-11
God is going to give Phil victory and put a new song in his mouth. Phil’s relationship with God will be restored and he will worship God again with his whole heart.
Then our sons in their youth will be like well- nurtured plants,
And our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace.
Our barns will be filled with every kind of provision.
Our sheep will increase by thousands, by tens of thousands in our fields;
Our oxen will draw heavy loads.
There will be no breaching of walls, no going into captivity,
No cry of distress in our streets.
Blessed are the people of whom this is true;
Blessed are the people whose God is the Lord. Ps. 144:12-15
A better day is coming!
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