A Thoroughly Wonderful Day

Jesse and I went to Rogers for Gabe's birthday and we brought their new dog to them. Eva picked out a dog from a pug rescue website, only to discover that she was actually located in a foster home close to us, so we offered to bring her up there to them. She is a very nice, sweet dog and really liked Jesse a lot because he held her most of the way. She made the trip up there more fun. The boys loved her and she was good with them. Eva loved her too and even Kevin bonded with her. They named her Ginger and then Alex started calling her Gingerbread, so that’s her official name.

Everything went well and was a lot of fun. Eva and I managed to get away for a bit and went to a cross stitch store that I heard about on my message board. It was really nice. On the way home, Jesse and I got into some spiritual discussions that were deep. I love being with my kids. They are deep thinkers and a lot of fun too. I enjoy their company tremendously.

Gabe is walking everywhere like he’s been doing it forever but he only started within the last two weeks. He smiles all the time, yet he makes it known when he’s not happy with something. He communicates very well. It’s hard to believe that a year ago, he was still inside of Eva. Alex and I seem to have a better relationship each time I see him. He is easy and pleasant to talk to and is very well-behaved now. He knows how to have fun and yet he seems more affectionate the past few months. I love them both so much. They are the joy of my life. Life just gets better and better as the kids get older. It’s so hard when they are young but sometimes I wish I had more of them because it’s so much fun when they’re older. It is so true what the Bible says - children are a blessing and a reward.

Conditional Love

We human beings love God conditionally. We are such conditional people. We love God … unless we perceive that He hurts us in some way. We love Him unless He lets someone die that we care about and we especially turn against Him if the person was young. We love Him unless He *lets* us get chronically ill. We love Him unless He allows us to get fired or to lose our job and asks us to work in a job we hate. We love Him until we don’t understand what He is doing in our lives. It’s a good thing that He loves us unconditionally and understands our weakness.

Tender Loving Care

I feel God's tender presence. He is holding me like I am a fragile vase. It's like He knows that I am bruised and broken and He is being careful not to let me be destroyed. He has been ministering to me in the area of finances, reassuring me that He will provide during this stressful time and I don't have to worry. We found out last week that in order to keep our health insurance, we have to pay close to $1000 a month ... at a time when Phil is on leave-without-pay. The future is uncertain but we are used to this now because that is the way we have been living for 6 years. We have hope, though, that Phil will come out of this soon and will be able to work steadily again. Whether he does or whether he doesn't, we will still praise the Lord because He is good.

Vegetable Soup

November 1 is always a good day. Because of the time change, I wasn’t able to sleep in very much and have already put together a colorful, healthy, gorgeous, and hopefully delicious vegetable soup in the crock pot. This is my plan from now on - to make a vegetable soup on Sundays - and it only took 10 minutes because I chopped up the veggies when I got home from the grocery store. I’ve been eating huge and wonderful salads every day for lunch too. About a week ago, I asked God to show me how to incorporate vegetables into my life and He did. He has also blessed me with a craving for them that I have never had in my whole life. They are so beautiful and so tasty! Where have they been my whole life?

Life Update

I can't believe it's been almost a year! I'm going to try to do better. Our lives continue to change. Phil had his fourth major abdominal surgery almost 3 months ago and has had a hard time recovering, but he is finally able to see some improvement even though it is very slow. Still, after what we've been through, I'll take it as long as he is moving in the right direction. My job is still wonderful. I am working part-time until January, when tax season begins again. It's nice to have finally found where I belong in the working world.

Spiritually, things have been dry for quite a while but recently I have felt like God is beginning to stir the water and that is exciting. He has given me the desire of my heart - a prayer partner with the same heart for intercession. We *fit* together so beautifully. One hour a week that is changing everything for me. Last week I saw so many answered prayers and that is very encouraging.

My mom had to put my sweet step-father in the Alzheimer's Unit at Otterbein (the retirement village where they live in OH) after she broke her hip and had surgery, which caused him to deteriorate quickly. She has since moved to a smaller place and is dealing with grief. She keeps telling me, "Growing old isn't for sissies." I'm the only one she has left of family now but she does have friends there. Jesse and I had a great visit with her in June but I wish I could see her more often.

Alex and Gabriel are still the joy of my life. I get to see them about once a month. Gabriel is going to celebrate his first birthday next Saturday. Time flies! The boys are about to get a dog and I am surprised at how excited I am for them!

The Best and Worst of Times

My Internet cross stitch friend, Sandra, just emailed me about some layoffs in her Internet department at Bass Pro Shops in MO. They laid off a widow with health problems who is raising 3 boys and Sandra’s immediate boss who moved there from TX a year ago to take the job. It is so sad! I read about similar situations every week. I’ve never seen anything like this as long as I’ve been alive but I know that my mom has and she keeps saying it will get better. It makes me so grateful to God that, in the middle of all of this scary stuff, He actually gave me a (for me) high-paying job that is exactly what I like to do. Many times in the past, bad things happened to us and I didn’t understand why, but now a good thing has happened to us and I still don’t understand the ways of God.

Jobs

God gave me a new job. It was a very unexpected and wonderful surprise. I was working at HRB ready for tax season to begin when a friend called and said her sister, a CPA, was looking for someone to do bookkeeping and billing. One thing led to another and I started my new job this week.

This place really is heaven to work at and I am overwhelmed that God would do this for me. I LOVE it! I would much rather work there full-time doing bookkeeping than work anywhere else or even stay at home. I love making numbers balance! It is everything I have ever wanted in a job - great people who treat me like one of their own already, the best and fastest technology, working with accounting, not having to deal much with the public. I’m given a task and then left on my own to accomplish it, without people looking over my shoulder all the time. I feel valued and respected. It is absolutely overwhelming. I would do this for free!

I've been thinking about the different jobs I've had in the last 12 years and realized that I have learned something valuable from each one and don’t regret working at any of them, not even HN (although I still NEVER want to work there again!).

Working at Sound Investments taught me to stop taking things for granted and to enjoy each day as it comes because these just might be the best days of my whole life and I don't even realize it. I also learned all about bookkeeping and accounting there. My next job was at HN, which has become the “gold standard” by which I judge all the other jobs, probably for the rest of my life. I did learn how to be a receptionist there, though, and that no matter how lousy a job might be, at least I’m not working at HN anymore.

Working at the library, I learned that there are other people even more OCD than I am and that I must trust God and not lean on my own understanding. I begged God for that job … and I learned to be very careful what I pray for from now on (because I just might get it) and that God knows what is best for me and I most definitely do not.

Working at HRB I learned a whole lot about taxes so that I don’t have to be afraid to do our taxes anymore. I learned that I adjust quite well to being “in” the world and that I can love and care for unbelievers deeply. I learned that I have skills which are valuable, that there are things I am very good at doing. I also learned that I handle one-on-one client situations well and that I’m a good team player.

So … one thing I’ve already learned from this new job is that the job I have has nothing to do with my worth as a human being. When I worked at HN, I felt like I was nothing, the scum of the earth. I wondered what I had done that God was asking me to work in such a horrible job. The working conditions were horrible - all the chairs were falling apart, the computer had dial-up Internet (which I wasn’t supposed to use), paint was peeling off the walls - and almost all the clients tried very hard to use, manipulate, and control me (when they weren't stomping out and slamming the door or cussing me out). And my boss was a chronic, constant complainer.

Now, everything is state-of-art and top of the line. The furniture is beautiful, the chairs support my back, the Internet is high-speed cable, my bosses are sweet, and the clients are “normal” people. I am in a completely different environment but I am still the same person. My worth didn’t change even though I feel a lot more valued and respected now.

It is so nice to be able to look back ... because when we are in the middle of something, we can't see the forest for the trees.