7/29/03 Tuesday 2 pm
Phil is back in the hospital. His feet looked worse and worse and yet we were supposed to wait until Friday morning to see the specialist. I called a friend and she and her husband prayed all day yesterday. I cried out to God over and over again. I called a specialist in Little Rock to try to get him in, because I felt like it was an emergency. Then I received a call from Dr. H.’s nurse and it seemed like her reason for calling was to calm me down and try to reassure me. Then Dr. H. got on the phone, and although he was very kind, he told me that this was not a rheumatological emergency because there was no such thing. I kept asking him how I would know if it was infected. When I told him that Phil was depressed (who wouldn’t have been), he started asking about pain medication. I begged him to talk to Phil and when he finally agreed, I had to insist that Phil talk to him because he didn’t want to. As they talked, the doctor asked if Phil wanted him to come by to look at his feet. Phil was about to say no, but I insisted that he let him.
About an hour before Dr. H. arrived, Phil had to get up to go to the bathroom. I hope that God will heal me of that memory because I cry every time I think of it. I don’t know anyone else that strong, both physically and emotionally. He shuffled along, using all his strength to hold onto the walker, on his poor diseased, inflamed, infected feet, and I knew this could not continue. I immediately had a wheelchair delivered (which I had to return for the second time!) and had planned to get a bedpan this morning. The only thing that saved my sanity was the knowledge that the doctor was coming.
He came with his granddaughter and while she and Jesse played with the dog, he looked at Phil’s feet. They definitely looked infected and he wanted to readmit him to the hospital. When I asked if he could help me get him into the car, he told me to call an ambulance. The EMTs were so great - calm, quiet, caring, and in control. Again, I felt a great flood of relief because it wasn’t all up to me anymore. Jesse got to ride in the front seat of the ambulance and loved it. The ER was difficult because Phil was initially in a lot of pain, plus he was exhausted and scared. And we had to wait for several hours. But Dr. H. was able to consult with two other doctors there and that was good, plus they put Phil on morphine and that helped the pain tremendously.
Jesse said that from a movie he saw he learned that if you put a frog in boiling water, he knows it, but if you put a frog in cold water and slowly turn up the heat, he doesn’t realize what’s happening. He said that we were like the second frog, but these new doctors were like the first one. That ministered to me because, of course, I was wondering if I had handled the situation correctly.
Phil is now on morphine and an antibiotic and a more powerful non-steroidal anti-inflammatory. He is in a private, quiet room with a “tent” over his feet. The nurses are taking care of his every need. He is still depressed and scared, like anyone would be.
I had a lot to do this morning (such as cleaning and disinfecting the house and returning the wheelchair) but we went to see him for a few minutes. He made me promise that I wouldn’t stay at the hospital because I am exhausted. We don’t know how long this will go on and if I don’t have some sense of normalcy, I will be of no use to him.
Dr. H. is thinking that this might be a fungal infection. It isn’t systemic because he doesn’t have a fever, and it looks like the infection is in the soft tissues and not the ankle joints. He is running all kinds of tests and is consulting with an infectious disease specialist, a rheumatologist, a dermatologist, an internist and an orthopedist. He is doing bone and vascular studies and a biopsy. I believe that God will reveal to him what it is. Last night before he left, he apologized to me.
Yesterday morning I saw Travis and He prayed for all of us, especially the doctor. He prayed things that I needed but hadn’t told him about and I felt like the Lord was showing me that He sees me and is aware of my needs.
Afterwards Travis told me a story because he felt like God wanted him to. Several weeks ago, he was driving down a road and as he passed a Chinese restaurant called Tran’s, God told him, “You’re going to eat lunch there Sunday.” He wondered why but then completely forgot about it. On Sunday after church, he was about to ask his wife where she wanted to eat, when she said, “Let’s eat at Tran’s.” He remembered what God had said and was excited, wondering how He wanted to use him. He kept looking around and asking God who He wanted him to talk to. Finally, near the end of the lunch, he asked God, “Why did You tell me that I was going to eat lunch here today?” God said, “I wanted you to know that I am in control of your life.” Since then, whenever he finds himself worrying about a problem, he reminds himself that God is in control of every little facet of his life. And even though Phil and I have surely felt like things were “out of control,” they aren’t because God holds our lives in His hand and He is in control.
5 pm
I made myself come back to the hospital. There is always fear involved but I found him in pretty good spirits. I need to establish some sort of routine for myself.
Today I was reading Psalm 91 and certain verses spoke to me in a different way. Verse 10 says – No disaster will come near your tent. This time, I understood “tent” to mean Phil’s body. Of course, I wonder if he might lose his feet, but then that would be a disaster and God has said that no disaster will come near his tent. Verse 13 says – You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. And I could just see him crushing Satan under his FEET! I like verse 14 – I will rescue him; I will protect him. God is in control of his life and of his body. Praise God!
Today I feel like God is telling me to worship Him and He will “heal their land.” I want to try to have quiet time tomorrow.
You restored me to health and let me live …
In Your love You kept me from the pit of destruction.
The Lord will save me, and we will sing with stringed instruments
All the days of our lives in the temple of the Lord. Is. 38:16, 17, 20
They spread a net for my feet –
I was bowed down in distress.
They dug a pit in my path –
But they have fallen into it themselves.
My heart is steadfast, O God,
My heart is steadfast;
I will sing and make music. Ps. 57:6-7
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