My Story - July 2003

This is the story of the most difficult time of our lives. May the telling of it bring hope to others and help me to heal.

7/22/03 Tuesday 11 am

Phil is in the hospital and it has been a horrendous ordeal, so my thoughts will probably be scattered. The whole thing started several months ago when his knees hurt due to some swelling. A month ago his left shoulder hurt and then it traveled down his arm to his hand. His wrist appeared to be injured and then his whole hand swelled up. Very slowly the swelling went down and by the time we went to see Dr. H. (our doctor), it was a lot better. The doctor thought he had tendonitis in both his knees and wrist. And then a week ago, his ankle hurt and on Friday his whole foot swelled up. Over the weekend, it got worse and worse to the point where he couldn’t walk to the bathroom. Yesterday I was desperate and God led me to the medical clinic, where I poured it all out to a nurse who insisted that I bring him in.

After getting the lab tests back, Dr. H. decided to hospitalize him, mostly because he was anemic and his SED rate was very elevated. The anemia means that he is bleeding internally and the high SED rate means that there was an inflammatory process going on in his body and that it wasn’t just tendonitis. The thing they need to figure out is whether or not he has an infection because they can’t give steroids if he has an infection, so a surgeon is supposed to take some fluid out of his ankle today. I hope they do it soon so they can start treatment. Right now they are giving him blood because of the anemia. They are also giving him something to coat his stomach every time he eats.

This part of the hospital is gross - there are people throwing up and people groaning. And he is currently getting a roommate, which is a bummer. More stress.

His brother is coming in about an hour, which will help me a lot. I have felt completely drained and at the end of all my resources. I did go home last night because I needed to take care of myself, but only after I asked the nurses to be sure and check on him often.

I called a lot of people yesterday and they have all been supportive. Right now, Jesse and I are in the lobby because the chair in Phil’s room was hurting my back and he was falling asleep anyway. Plus Phil’s roommate was coming.

This has definitely been the most difficult thing we have ever been through in our lives, other than when Zachary had Kawasaki Disease at age 4. I am so wiped out that I think this is harder to deal with. He is in tremendous pain and we still don’t know why. And I was caring for him for days. I am so glad he is in the hospital but it’s hard for us to let the nurses care for him. He doesn’t want to call them and I feel like I should stay with him 24 hours a day. But I hugely need a break.

My mom is upset for us, especially since she went through so much with my dad and sister. But she did say that they would help us financially if necessary. Phil’s last day of paid leave is Friday.

12:30 pm

God sent His Body to minister to us. Travis came and he is the only one who believed me when I said that I think this is related to the worship ministry. He did warfare over Phil and it was wonderful. He walks into a place bringing faith and hope. Later on, John W. came in bringing peace. While he was there, Paul N. came, a pillar of support. Paul anointed him and they prayed for him. He is being covered in prayer. His roommate has a kidney stone and sleeps most of the time. The doctor is coming by any time now to tap his ankle. This morning, his other ankle is showing signs of trouble too. I’m so glad he’s in the hospital. It will be so good when they can start treatment, but at least they are giving him lots of pain medicine now.

These are the scriptures that God has given to me for Phil:

I will walk humbly all my years because of this anguish of my soul.

Lord, by such things men live; and my spirit finds life in them too.

You restored me to health and let me live.

Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish.

In Your love You kept me from the pit of destruction;

You have put all my sins behind Your back.

For the grave cannot praise You, death cannot sing Your praise;

Those who go down to the pit cannot hope for Your faithfulness.

The living, the living - they praise You, as I am doing today;

Fathers tell their children about Your faithfulness.

The Lord will save me, and we will sing with stringed instruments

All the days of our lives in the temple of the Lord. Is. 38:15-20

For I will restore their fortunes and have compassion on them. Jer. 33:26b

For I will restore the fortunes of the land as they were before, says the Lord. Jer. 33:11b

3 pm

Phil’s brother is finally here so I can leave whenever I need to! Phil’s boss came and was really sweet. He said he would look into people donating leave. We aren’t even sure whether it is allowed. The doctor did the ankle tap and Phil said it was amber-colored fluid. We don’t know what that might mean. I still have fear and anxiety inside, but I was able to eat something for lunch. If I hadn’t needed to get something for Jesse to eat, I probably wouldn’t have even tried.

I am thinking that after this ordeal is over I am going to look for a full-time job. Every time I ask God about it, He says WAIT. I know I need to wait until school starts, but then I am thinking of applying at the hospital and the medical clinic. If I worked at one of those places, we would get a break on medical care. I know that God could heal this or it could be a one-time thing, but it could also be a chronic condition.

4:30 pm

The nurse just came in and said that Dr. H. wants to start him on prednisone. I am upset because that’s what my dad was on. Phil is glad, though, because he said that if an infection was doing this, jumping all over his body, he would be really scared. The doctor will come and see him after 7 and I am afraid of what he is going to say. It feels like a curse is being put on us.

6:30 pm

I took Jesse home and asked God who I could call for prayer because I was a wreck. I called one of the elders of the church and he prayed for me. It was nice and I was about to go back to the hospital when a friend called. She asked if she could pray for me and then as we talked later, I remembered Thursday in the sanctuary and I remembered the scriptures God had given me and how He has used this for good. I remembered that the elder told me that he and the pastor think that this is for God’s glory. Then my friend told me that as she prayed, she had seen me in a cloud, with God above the cloud. She was standing away from it and thought, “This is a thin, small cloud. It’s going to go away soon.” That helped me so much!