8/20/03 Wednesday 7 pm
Phil has been home a week tomorrow and is walking, eating, and completely off pain medication. He is still very weak and tired and has recently become depressed. My fear level is definitely lower and I am able to stand in faith for longer periods of time.
I have been looking for another job but Phil said I need to wait until he is back at work and driving. Dale is considering giving me more hours so I need to wait until I know what he decides, because I might only need to find another part-time job. I would rather work 2 part-time jobs than a new 40 hour job.
During quiet time, I felt like a key issue was about me providing for myself in this world. I know that God is my provider and He is the only one who can provide for me/us, and yet I was feeling this strong need to get a job immediately. And then God spoke to me through a verse and it was really powerful. Job 22:25 (KJV) says - The Almighty shall be thy defense, and thou shalt have plenty of silver. How awesome!
I had an interesting time with Travis this morning. I went to First Baptist to return a library book and hadn’t intended on seeing him at all, but as I passed his office I thought that maybe I should update him. I told him how Phil was doing and when I mentioned that the doctor thinks there is a blood problem, he got a funny look on his face and opened his Bible to 2 Peter 1:3. He said that he felt the Holy Spirit’s presence strongly and for the next 10-15 minutes, I sat there while God poured streams of living water through him into me, and my faith was built up.
Travis said that God has already given us all that we need for our lives and all we have to do is receive what He has already provided. He turned to Heb. 4:2-3 (Amp) about entering into God’s rest and said that His rest is His provision. So it is talking about entering into (receiving) the provision that God made for us for this very moment before the foundation of the earth - provision for healing and for finances. All we have to do is drink and we drink by faith.
Travis said that when you are saved, you believe that Jesus died for your sins. He already died and you receive it by faith. And this is the same thing. He has already provided for you and you receive it by faith. You don’t have to work up the faith - it’s already there.
We struggle and try to obtain, when all we need to do is just ask and receive. It’s already in our hand. The kingdom of God is within us and we just need to release the provision. We need to ask God to open the eyes of our understanding so that we will be able to see what is inside of us. His very resurrection power is inside of us and we need to release it to purge out death, to destroy death (sickness) in our bodies.
I sat there with tears in my eyes listening to Travis speak about God’s provision. Travis was talking about healing for Phil but I was also hearing God speaking to me about His provision for me (finances). God provided for this moment in our lives before the foundation of the earth. God knew this was going to happen and He has already provided for us. The provision is there. We just need to receive it. This is not about me getting another job, although part of that provision might be that He has provided another job for me. If so, I don’t need to worry and be anxious and strive - I just need to wait on Him and at the proper time, the time He has ordained, to receive it from His hand.
I feel like God showed me through the interaction with Travis that He wants to heal Phil completely - even his mysterious blood problem - and that He is going to provide every single thing that we need financially (including another job if I need one). He is telling me to rest and to believe. Stop striving, only believe.
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