7/24/03 Thursday 12 noon
On the way to the hospital this morning, I asked God for one bit of good news and He gave it to me. One of the tests ruled out scleraderma! I felt as if a huge weight lifted off of me.
The pain is worse this morning and his left ankle is now swelling, so they are keeping him in another day. He was really disappointed, but Dr. H. thinks it’s because he stopped the Celebrex. He didn’t want to give him both steroids and Celebrex because it’s hard on his stomach, but he restarted it.
The fear is at a lower level and I was able to eat and sleep last night. We might not get a diagnosis for up to three months because Dr. H. said it might take that long to get in to see a Rheumatologist. He was hoping to consult with one over the phone today.
Phil’s brother is going back today but will come back tomorrow, so I will need to stay with him more. Last night after he left we were talking about jobs and money and I finally understood why he has always been against my working full-time. It had to do with him being able to support his family. I think he faced reality last night. I think that I am definitely going to get a full-time job and I know that God can give me a good one.
It’s so hard for me to stay in the present. I find myself in an imaginary future all the time. At least the fear is better. I feel like we can deal with anything as long as it’s not scleraderma.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Prov. 3:5
The Lord has heard my weeping,
The Lord has heard my cry for mercy;
The Lord accepts my prayer.
All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;
They will turn back in sudden disgrace. Ps. 6:8-10
2 pm
I’ve been sitting here while Phil sleeps, reading all the verses in the Bible that God has given me concerning worship and Phil’s illness, and it just does not make sense at all that this is happening. What I see with my eyes does not correspond with the words that God has said. When I read these verses, I feel peace and faith that this is not as serious as it looks and will soon pass. It is hard to keep your faith in this environment.
There is an old woman who calls out loudly for help every five minutes, no matter how often the nurses go in there. I forgot to mention that, along with it not being scleraderma, Dr. H. also said that it does not involve the muscles. It is not a muscular degenerative disease.
They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.
Jer. 1:19
They were at their wits’ end.
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
And He brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
The waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
And He guided them to their desired haven. Ps. 107:27-30
They cried to the Lord in their trouble,
And He saved them from their distress.
He sent forth His Word and healed them. Ps. 107:19-20
Give us aid against the enemy,
For the help of man is worthless. Ps. 108:12
9 pm
We finally received some good news! Actually, more good news - and it was an answer to prayer because this afternoon I asked God to please give us some more good news. Dr. H. was able to consult with the rheumatologist over the phone and he thinks it is an inflammatory arthritis, although both of them agree that a test for Lyme’s Disease should be done even though Phil doesn’t remember being bitten by a tick. And the specialist has agreed to see him next week. These things might not sound very good, but considering what the alternatives are, we feel like we can deal with them.
H.S. came by today and it was such a blessing. It was like a ministering angel was there. He was calm and quiet and the things he said were honest and uplifting. Many people have prayed for us and I appreciate each and every one, but somehow his simple prayer touched my heart more than anything.
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