The first 2 weeks with Josie were incredibly difficult and many times I wanted to put her on craigslist but felt like God kept telling me to keep her. We are over the hump now and Angie isn't growling at her quite so much, so I think it's going to work. Mostly, Phil is training her because he's home all the time. He actually found them sleeping in Josie's bed together the other day.
Having 2 dogs, we needed more piddle pads which was a problem because I couldn't find the ones we like and because the store-bought ones are very expensive and the wrong sizes. I ended up going to thrift stores and getting old mattress pads, baby flannel blankets, and vinyl-backed tablecloths and making my own. I cut out the different layers and simply serged them together. Now we have 15 new ones plus the old ones and, most importantly, the dogs are using the new ones. Yes!
We got the top part of the driveway re-graveled for the first time in probably 10 years and it's so nice not to go bump * bump * bump when parking in the carport. Hopefully next week the guy will come to pump out the septic tank. It's supposed to be done every 3 years or else you can have big trouble which we don't need, especially with Phil's dependence on the bathroom.
Phil seems to be adjusting to "disabled" life fairly well, although it's been a huge life change for both of us. He mostly sits or sleeps in his recliner day and night. As long as he stays home, he can manage his life fairly well. He tries to help around the house but didn't/couldn't clean the house for the past 2 weeks, so I did it the other day and it felt so good to have it cleaned the way I like it to be cleaned. Sometimes I feel like it isn't my house anymore.
I think I am finally beginning to wind down from tax season/full-time work. Normally, when I go to part-time in May, I relax and am happy but not this year. This year I was in emotional turmoil because I was facing the fact that Phil will never work again and will be home ALL THE TIME. I have always needed time alone, so this has been very difficult for me to deal with.
When I think of all the trauma that Jesse, our youngest who is now 20, has had to go through with Phil's health problems over the last 5 years or more, I feel bad but yesterday God used some of that experience for good in his life. Jesse was alone with someone who passed out unexpectedly and, although it was scary, he knew exactly what to do and what to expect because Phil passed out last year. God can use even really bad stuff for good.
In several weeks, toward the end of July, we will leave to go visit my mother in Ohio. Every year I feel overwhelmed at the thought of making this trip and every year we have a great time and I am so grateful for the opportunity to see her again. This year, Eva will be coming with me and we hope that Jesse will be able to come too. Eva has longed to see her grandmother but hasn't been able to come for the past several years due to childbearing. Kevin will stay home and take care of the kids. (I almost said *babysit* but since he is their father, he's not really babysitting, right?) I am so grateful that God has answered my prayers to let my mom live until Eva could see her again.
Life sure turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. I don't know why but I expected it to move in an orderly fashion through the years until we were old and happy. I thought the bad stuff would only happen to other people. This past month, I have had to die again to dreams and expectations. Things just didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. It's been very depressing and painful. Every day, I lay my life on the altar and give it to God and in that way I find peace. I am trying to live each day in the present and with a thankful heart.
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