My Story - September 2003

This is the story of the most difficult time of our lives. May the telling of it bring hope to others and help me to heal.

9/22/03 Monday 8 pm

This morning during quiet time I was filled to overflowing with thanksgiving to God. He is so very good to me! He has taken care of my every need and has always provided all that was necessary. He has been completely faithful and has been with me every step of the way. I remember when Phil was in the hospital and I had just started facing the financial stuff and was very scared about it. I was so afraid and it is so nice to be where I am now and see how He really has provided. And yesterday in church someone handed me money! I had to ask the church treasurer if the church could pay, not only our car insurance premium, but our health insurance which had gone up because he’s been off work so long. I dreaded it, but God paved the way, and by the time I asked the treasurer about it, he already knew about it and the deacons had already approved it! When I went to pick up the checks today, I found not only the two insurance checks but also a check for $250 for us. God is so good!

9/27/03 Saturday 8 am

Dr. H. scheduled the CT scan for next Wednesday. When he told Phil, he also wanted to do a blood test for Fifth’s Disease, Phil agreed but told him that he didn’t want any more tests. I feel like God wants to shake us loose from all the doctors. It’s time for them to release us. The most difficult one to deal with is Dr. K. because he is a specialist and we have just started with him. But the tests need to stop and this involves setting boundaries.

9/28/03 Sunday 12:30 pm

When we got home from church, Phil opened a letter from our health insurance and discovered that due to a problem, we will not be covered after next Wednesday. I believe that this is an answer to prayer!!! Because of this “problem”, we have a wonderful opportunity to bow gracefully out of any further testing, including the CT scan, the blood test for Fifth’s Disease, and the appointment with Dr. K.! God is so good! We can shake loose from the doctors gracefully having a perfectly good reason and they won’t be upset with us. I feel certain that this is all God’s doing and that He will protect us during the time that we are not covered by the insurance. He will be our insurance!

9/30/03 Tuesday 7:30 am

Phil is finally free from the side-effects of the drugs - and we are free from the doctors! He is still anxious about going back to work, but I think he might try going in for a while today. Over the weekend, he became aware that the anxiety he was feeling was no longer from the drugs, but purely emotional. On the way home from work yesterday, I suddenly saw the same thing - that he was having anxiety attacks about going back to work. It was very clear to me, so I confronted him when I got home and, to my surprise, he agreed. There is nothing physically wrong with him anymore. I feel frustrated that he has stayed home from work for so very long. Maybe we are finally at the end of this! This has been the hardest thing - on every level - that we have ever been through.