11/10/03 Monday 2:30 pm
I found myself in T’s office this morning, purely on his initiation and not mine. He asked what was going on and listened as I told him. He said that he heard darkness coming out of my mouth - despair, hopelessness, helplessness, confusion, depression, and gloom - and that I was double-minded and deceived. Needless to say, this was hard to hear, and I even prayed that he would hurry up and finish so that I could leave because I was under such heavy condemnation as he spoke. He kept saying that I needed to fight and I was feeling more and more overwhelmed because I don’t have any strength left.
He showed me a picture of a bull-fighting arena with a bull just coming into it, and he said that God has let this bull into our arena, but He hand-picked the bull to be sure that we could handle it. And we have been laying down and letting the bull run us into the ground, but God wants us to get up and fight. God allows things to come into our lives to test us, but that does not mean that we are to submit to them. I have been submitting to it, thinking that I was submitting to God’s will, and that was a lie - I have been deceived.
He wanted to pray for me and as he did, I felt like God told me to go into Phil’s “room” when he is at work and worship using my tambourine. He said that He will lead me into warfare as I worship and dispel the darkness. That room will be filled with light! When I told T what God had said to me, he suddenly felt the Holy Spirit’s presence strongly and he agreed that is what I should do and even suggested that I not say a word to Phil but just watch and see what God does. He said that as I dance, darkness will flee and that will be a powerful testimony. Several times he talked about me standing up in front of people and giving a testimony of victory. He said that I am an overcomer.
When I got home and Phil left, I went right into his room and worshiped, not being mindful of the time (it ended up being an hour) or anything else. I worshiped and worshiped and felt God’s presence ministering to me. I felt like He was pleased with me and He forgave me for being deceived and attributing this thing to Him when it was the enemy’s work.
God is so good! He is kind and compassionate and always on my side. He is doing this thing - all I have to do is worship Him. That’s all! He will do the rest. And no matter how weak I feel, worshiping Him is one thing that I can do!
No comments:
Post a Comment