7/18/04 Sunday 9 pm
Phil went to the elders’ meeting tonight to resign from his position as elder but instead was put on inactive status. He will not be leading worship either but I think he might still be playing on the worship teams. He is angry at God because his diverticular disease is getting worse and worse and he is in a lot of pain every morning. He said he has been praying and praying and praying for either healing or peace and has gotten neither. He is very, very discouraged. The elders were shocked that they hadn’t known what was going on and spent a long time praying for him. From what he said, it didn’t seem to help, and they don’t have a plan on how to deal with this other then trying to keep in touch with him better.
When I think things can’t get any worse, they do. He has a chronic illness and God doesn’t seem to be answering his cries for help. I told him that there are a lot of things I don’t understand but I know that God is good and loves us. I know that, no matter what I see with my eyes.
As bad as everything is right now, I unreasonably believe that, spiritually, things are about to happen, God is about to start moving. Phil said that when he thinks about last year, the pain isn’t the worst thing. The thing that he hated the most, that was the most painful for him, was the complete, utter dependency. That helplessness is what traumatized him most of all and what he is most afraid of.7/19/04 Monday 7:30 am
Last night right before I was about to go to sleep, I had the sudden realization that what Phil is experiencing is diverticulitis, which is just diverticulosis with an infection. I suddenly remembered last time this happened - about 2 years ago. He had the exact same symptoms and was saying the same things. When he finally went in to see Dr. H. about it, the doctor was angry that he had waited so long for treatment. I was so sure of what the Lord had shown me that I got up and went to tell him. I had mentioned the possibility of this when we were talking earlier in the evening and he had dismissed it, but this time he listened.
I feel like the Lord gave me this verse concerning Phil: A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. (Is. 42:3) I felt like He also gave me this verse for myself: Be still and know that I am God. (Ps. 46:10)
7/22/04 Wednesday 2:30 pm
Phil just called and said that he did go to see Dr. H. and he does have diverticulitis.
No comments:
Post a Comment