My Story - December 2003

This is the story of the most difficult time of our lives. May the telling of it bring hope to others and help me to heal.

12/19/03 Friday 9 pm

This morning I received a call from a nurse at Otterbein Homes, where my mom and sweet step-father live, telling me that Marion had collapsed and was in the ER. It turned out to be a blood clot in his brain that had formed due to a fall he had several days ago, which caused a stroke. He had surgery and is doing well, but will be in the hospital for a while and then in rehab. It’s been a stressful day.

The Lord also gave me the verse in Proverbs 3 that says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. When I look at what is going on around me, I sure do not understand what He is doing. None of it makes any sense to me at all and yet I do trust Him and I believe that He will fulfill the Word that He has spoken to me.

12/26/03 Friday 8 am

Christmas was truly amazing! This year I let go of everything and didn’t strive and, much to my amazement, God moved in and gave gift upon gift!

While Eva and Kevin were over, Phil suddenly asked Kevin to help him move his recliner back into the living room. He proceeded to completely move out of the computer room and back into the rest of the house! It was a complete surprise to me - in fact, I had recently finally let go of the whole thing and decided that God must have a good reason for keeping him isolated. And he apologized for isolating himself from the family for so long. I heard him tell his brother on the phone that yesterday was the best day he had had since he getting out of the hospital. And it was the first time he had slept in our bed since March. In one day, God brought divine order to our house, just like He said He would! This morning, He gave me this verse:

Lord, You establish peace for us; All that we have accomplished You have done for us.

O Lord, our God, other lords besides You have ruled over us,

But Your Name alone do we honor.

They are now dead, they live no more; those departed spirits do not rise.

You punished them and brought them to ruin; You wiped out all memory of them.

Isaiah 26:12-14

God also gave me other wonderful gifts. Eva and Kevin came over not only once but twice, and we played Guess Who?, ate apple pie, and had a lot of fun. One day last week, Dale had taken Phil out to the Hastings Café (Eva is the manager) to hear a guitar-player, and Phil had taken that opportunity to buy me a CD for Christmas, much to my surprise. We had used my mom’s Christmas money to buy a DVD/video player, and yesterday I discovered that it not only plays the CDs that I create, but it plays regular CDs too!!! In the living room - through the TV! It’s so incredibly cool!!!

We were listening to Jesse’s new shortwave radio, picking up stations from all kinds of countries, when he tried the local band and suddenly heard music from his Christmas band concert coming out of the radio! A local station was playing the CD that had been made of the concert and was Jesse ever surprised!

While playing “Guess Who?” with Eva and Kevin, I had an important insight. They wanted to make the game more interesting by guessing two people instead of one, which is a lot harder. I felt intimidated playing against them because they are so sharp, so I asked Jesse to help me. After a while he went and sat down somewhere else, and then when I won a game, he pointed out that I had beaten them all by myself. I realized that when Eva and Kevin won a game, I was sure it was due to their high intelligence but when I won, I was equally sure it was because I was “lucky”. I discount myself without even realizing it!

This was the best Christmas ever. I didn’t try to “make” Christmas - I just sort of let it happen - and it was wonderful! The whole day was very peaceful and relaxed. I didn’t strive in any way or even try to keep the house clean or anything, but it ended up cleaned and we ended up having a wonderful meal and spending time with our wonderful children. Having a nice quiet Christmas at home can be the best thing of all! God is so very good to me!