The Visitation

The eldest daughter of some long-time friends died on Wednesday.  This has hit me hard ... because if it could happen to them, it could happen to us.  I have redoubled my effort to pray for my boys and will continually pray for them until they turn back to God.  It would be better to have never given birth than to have children reject God.

Visitation was last night and it was hard to make myself go, but I knew I needed to.  I am so glad I went, because I think that God used me in some small way.  It was a small, homey funeral home and they had her body in the chapel.  A woman handed me a paper with her picture and obituary on it and directed me into the sanctuary.  I was third in line and spent a minute or so with her body.  I remember her more as a little girl growing up.  There was a music video of pictures, so I sat down in the chapel for a few minutes to watch.

The father of the girl came in and saw me after going up to the front for a few minutes.  I went over and hugged him.  He hugged me very tightly for a long time.  He looked completely shattered.  He said she died of a heart attack because she wasn't taking her medicine regularly.  He thanked me for coming.

The aunt of the girl came in and smiled when she saw me.  We hugged and she said that maybe when we get to heaven, we'll finally get together and talk.  I decided on the way home that I don't want to wait until we get to heaven and plan on contacting her in a few weeks.

The mother of the girl came in and we hugged.  We spoke briefly and then she said she had to go to one of her sons.  Over the years, they have adopted 22 disabled children.  I think this was the first time the kids got to see the girl's body.  I think that, as horrible and painful as this is, the mother will be OK, because she has all those kids to take care of.

It just isn't right for parents to outlive their kids and yet, in the 1800's and 1900's, that is exactly what happened most of the time.  Almost every parent experienced the death of at least one child.  We are so sheltered from death now.  I think when you have to face death as a part of life, you are more likely to think about eternal things and eventually turn to God.

I am so grateful that God used me, even in a small way, because that was the great desire of my heart.

Last night our church helped with an elementary school's fund-raising fair.  All the schools do this every year but this school is a "poverty school" and doesn't have many parents helping, so we helped.  I felt so guilty for not joining in but then, in the middle of the day yesterday, I realized that God puts desires in our hearts and shows us what He wants us to do, and I had absolutely no desire at all to help with the fair ... but I had a burning desire to go to the visitation.  I need to stop feeling guilty and let God decide what I should and shouldn't do, because He is in charge of my life and we don't have much time left.

Life is Short

I feel like the Lord has been talking to me about how short our lives are on the earth and how important it is to let Him carry my burdens (such as my sons) so that I can enjoy the time I have left here and live it to the fullest. I have come to the realization that, although I am certain that God has promised me that my sons will return to Him, it might not happen in my lifetime. I feel old for the first time in my life.


And then this morning, I felt like God gave me parts of Psalm 90:

You turn men back to dust,
saying, “Return to dust, O sons of men.”
For a thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night.
You sweep men away in the sleep of death;
they are like the new grass of the morning—
though in the morning it springs up new,
by evening it is dry and withered ...
The length of our days is seventy years—
or eighty, if we have the strength;
yet their span is but trouble and sorrow,
for they quickly pass, and we fly away ...
Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom ...
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.
May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.
May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

I wonder what the deal is. Is God trying to tell me that I will see the face of Jesus soon? Or is He trying to prepare me for my mother's death?  Or neither one?  Don't know, but I do so want Him to establish the work of my hands every day of life that I have left on the earth.

Organizing Genealogy

I cleaned out a shelf of mostly Bibles and devotionals to make room for a Lego shelf in my bookcase.  We had collected way too many Bibles over the years and it feels good to declutter.  I discovered that I enjoy making things for the grandkids to play with out of little Lego kits and now I have a place to put them!

I'm still crocheting away on those scarves for the fourth graders.  I have 8 more camo ones to make for the boys and then a couple more for the girls.  If this ends up working and the kids like them, I plan on doing this for my friend's class every year.

I finally figured out how to get a handle on the enormous amount of information pouring into my life through ancestry.com.  I am typing a "profile page" for every person in my tree.  This is basically a list of the important information for that person, such as birth & death dates, spouse, children, siblings, parents, immigration information, residences, and documentation.  This will make it so much easier to actually see what I have, since I currently have over 2000 people in my tree.  But don't be impressed because ancestry makes it almost TOO easy to incorporate more people. 

I have felt overwhelmed for a while, and that causes the joy to be lost.  I think this "profiling" will help get me back on track.  As I look at what I have for each person, I will also compare the documentation to what I have in my files as hard copies.  I want my tree to have a solid foundation beginning with my parents, and then later on it can reach into the sky with tiny limbs.

When I asked myself why on earth I would even care about dead people, I realized that I organizing information for the people I leave behind.  Hopefully one person in each generation will care about this.  I find history fascinating.  Part of it is that it helps to put my life into perspective.  It also gives me a feeling of belonging to something greater than just my immediate family.

Think on These Things

Today, I will focus on what is good and true and beautiful. I have layed my sons on the altar, prayed for them, and given them to God. Phil too. The end. I will not carry those burdens around all day. I will look to this day only. I will go through the day giving thanks.

I am excited because I think I have finished the girls' scarves! I am making scarves as Christmas gifts for a friend's fourth grade class.  I am considering making all the boys' scarves out of camo yarn, which would be incredibly easy because there would be no decisions to make.

I have also decided to stop waiting for the weather to get cooler because it's still going to be hot for the next two weeks and I have a lot of work to do outside. I need to rake the front yard to collect all the little twigs and spray Round Up and weed all the little onions out of my vinca patch. And I will need to mow again soon.

I have been feeling old, thinking more about how close I am to 60 and I am going to stop that and think instead about how everything has always said I look 10 years younger than I am. So I am going to start thinking 40's instead!


Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Phil. 4:8

Questions

A woman I know has suddenly become confused mentally.  There are many questions ... Was it really sudden?  Was it related to her back pain?  Was it a reaction to medication?  If so, will it resolve?  Is it related to depression?  Will it get better?  She is only 70 years old, which is technically "elderly" but doesn't seem that old.  She can't live alone.  It feels as if she was suddenly diagnosed with a fatal illness and is dying.

This morning, I read verses about how this treasure (the glory of God) is held in jars of clay (us) and how we are to fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen (2 Cor. 4).  If we could live our lives with heaven in our hearts, life wouldn't be so hard and sad sometimes.  How do you fix your eyes on what you can't see?

Windshield

When I got in my car to go to church yesterday and shut the door, I heard a crackling sound. My back windshield had completely shattered! Phil had to take me to work today and I should be able to get the car back around 4. It will cost under $300. It was quite an experience driving it to the place with trash bags taped over the windshield, my hazard lights on, and parts of the windshield continually falling into the backseat.

Mowing

God is so good to me!  It was my job to take care of the inside of the house and my husband's job to take care of the outside.  We had two strong sons who grew up and did most of the mowing ...  Until my husband became permanently disabled and our sons moved away.  We have about an acre that has to be mowed and the parts that border on fields have to be trimmed back every year, which is a big job too.  So this is what God did for me ...

First of all, when I realized that I was going to have to take care of the yard by myself, I asked my youngest son to teach me.  I didn't even know how to turn on or ride the lawnmower, much less take care of the maintenance for it.  Over his last two summers in high school, he taught me what to do and I was surprised to find that I could do it!  At first, it was even hard to stay on the old red mower and I could only mow part of the yard, but after I practiced, I became fairly adept at handling it.

When the old mower began to fail, I realized that we needed a new one and, even in the middle of all the medical bills and trauma and surgeries, God provided and I was able to purchase a small automatic John Deere.  It had been a dream mower because it's so easy to use.  I also bought a little cart for it to pull and that cart was one of the smartest things I ever bought.  I have used it to carry away the trimmings, to haul gravel and rocks, to carry plants for transplanting, and even to give my grandsons a ride.

The first time I ever mowed the whole yard by myself, I whooped and hollered and was incredibly proud of myself and grateful to God!  Did I mention that we have a sharp hilly ridge in the back yard?  Now I love to mow the yard, probably because it reminds me that with God, all things are possible.